Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Roast beef and Stained glass windows.

I am well aware of the sudden departure from sanity that removing anti d's from the system can produce. I have the slight jittery feeling and a multitude of other symptoms. However, all in all it is going rather well. I've not become paranoid or psychotic. My family have not felt the need to run for the hills to find peace and solace.
The weirdest and possibly most entertaining of the symptoms are the odd dreams. I can't remember them all but those that feature most heavily are seared into my brain with clarity. Many people believe that dreams can mean something on a physic level. Some think it is the subconscious sorting through the days events to keep them ordered. Well, my learned friends I challenge you to make sense of this. Mainly because I have had the same dream three or four times now.
First I shall describe the setting. I am in a soaring beautiful cathedral. There are brilliant white walls and a shining marble floor. The altar is covered in the kind of tablecloth my Nanna would have favoured. Sort of orange and white seer sucker. Sat around the table are my family. My dear DD and the children. My Ma and Pa. My brother and two sisters (although they are children). There are a variety of childhood friends sat amongst my family.
They are sitting around the altar and it is laid for a sumptuous Roast Beef dinner. They are bathed in the jewel colours of the soaring stain glass window. The colour and pattern on this window seem to be of huge importance. When examined this window depicts scenes from my life. Childhood memories are picked out along with scenes of life changing events. The main central picture seems to be myself winning a children's school sports day race and I am bathed in sunlight.
My part for this dream is the cooking of this giant wholesome roast. I am cooking it on a old 70's style stove. the fact that there are only 3 burners is causing me some distress as I have to keep swapping the pans from ring to ring to make sure they are all cooked at the same time. However, I am infinitely pleased with the beef itself that is cooking perfectly in the gas oven. There is a feeling of festivity and celebration as my nearest and dearest chat among themselves. Every now and then one of them will raise their voice to include me in the conversation in a "remember when...." style.
While all this is going on I find that I am growing more and more aware that something has been forgotten. There is a person at the door trying to get in. they are stuck outside among the graves and I am content that that is where they stay. This person is someone from my past that I no longer have any use for (ex husband). I am being told he is there and various members are offering to deal with it for me and tell him he has no invite.
I become agitated that no one will listen to me when I am telling them that he is where he should be and is not the thing I have forgotten. However, I cannot tell them what it is I have forgotten as I have forgotten it!
When I wake up I have the weird sense that I have lost something.
My own interpretation?
Nothing more than dreams are weird and it is my body chemistry dealing with shedding it's toxins.

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